She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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