At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
