I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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