Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
