i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize