He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize