omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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