I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well you can't waste a boner
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
