I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
