I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im holly from the hills drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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