I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
