theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
