You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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