so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
