I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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