Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
