the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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