Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
