Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
