I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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