please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
