My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
