Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
