i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
