I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
