Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
