The maid of honor just puked.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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