You just made me feel so damn special
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
