When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
