oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
