They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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