Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
