love makes seman taste better
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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