No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
