so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
