Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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