I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
