You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
