So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
