this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
