Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
