just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We have started to decorate penises.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
