my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
