just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
