take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
