Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
