I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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