After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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