she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dick very happy bro
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
