Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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