just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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