Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
