you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
