the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
