Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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