i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
