i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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