Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize