Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
