so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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