We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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