He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
