I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
