Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
