I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
