At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
