I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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