...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize