a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need moral support for this bender
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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