So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize