i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
