the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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