I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
