Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize
