my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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