I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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