hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
too bad you live with your parents still
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
