Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize